Hi everyone, this is Janae. Stacia put this blog together for me and so I guess it's time to get the act together and learn how to run it. After reading the posts (is that the right word?) on it, I think I will like it. Your words have made me happy and I must say I have felt the strength of your prayers for me and my family.
I want to give you an update or just some information on what I am doing. I have brain cancer. They see 17 tumors and assume they are in the layers of my brain. Brain cancer comes from another source of cancer in the body. They cannot find any other cancer anywhere in me which I feel is good news, but they are still leary. Two weeks ago they removed the biggest tumor. It was 1.26cm, in the front on the surface, not attached to anything that would affect my motorskills. It was malignant. They immediately told me that my best treatment would be to have my entire brain radiated, use the gamma knife on a few of them later, and then add some chemo to the rest of my body. This is the treatment that they strongly recommended but added there is really no hope for me because I have so many. We all know close friends and family who recieve news like this but believe me, there is nothing like it when it's you receiving a death sentence. As ugly as it was I thought to myself, "I'm not going to let fear or the medical system chase me into this. It's my life!" Radiation will shrivel my brain like a walnut and leave me nothing left to fight with. Could I really consider that as an option? I was told, "Well, there is really no hope in cancer." I told them that I would gather my information, pray about my decision and get back to them, which they reminded me that I needed to hurry.
Through a wonderful unknown miracle last year we were given a name of a woman who is a Iridologist, Nutritionist and Herbologist. She has the best cancer treatment in the world and lives right in Puyallup. We went over and met with her. Incredible! She not only has thousands of wonderful happy stories (not endings) but uses the word "recovery". As we listened to her for 3 hours I was trying to listen to my feelings..... of just wanting the hope she was enlightening me with, or was it the spirit answering my prayers and letting me know that she would be my resource and option over radiation and chemo. I was overwhelmed to tears as I left her. She was so interested in saving my life after spending such a short time with me. How could I turn my heart away from the principles of faith and hope and most importantly the powers of the Lord and the priesthood? I know the medical world knows no other way. They are not in charge of my life unless I approve. With no hope why would I go that direction. It's my privilege and blessing to be the agent of my body.
We left there and ran up to the University of Washington to meet with Dr. Rockhill who specializes in brain melanomas. He didn't mince words. He told me he had seen my scans and visited with the doctors over here and agreed with them on my treatment. He said, "Janae you are in stage 4 of cancer. I will give you a little more time because you have never smoked, drank, or participated in drugs. I looked at him and told him, "I have a great life. I have been very blessed with many miracles and wonderful things in my life and if I don't have hope or faith then I can't continue to ask for miracles. You have nothing to offer me." He told me if I went home and did nothing my time was short. I was not going to go home and "do nothing."
I started Leona's program 14 days ago today. It is somewhat complicated but fabulous. I feel great! I feel better than I have all year. My program consumes my entire day. It's exciting and fun for me to be proactive. I am feeling and seeing all kinds of wonderful changes. My only physical changes are a little bit of shaved hair on my head from my surgery and some weight loss....not because I have cancer but because I am on a "cancer-free" food program. Think twice before you ask me for it!!!!!
This is a special time in my life. People share and say things that are sacred when they think you are going to die. I have had a huge support group and love from my children. Bergen has been here from Boise. I was able to be with Monique as she delivered Kennedy on Tuesday. Stacia has put together pictures of beautiful flowers and so many wonderful cards (from so many wonderful caring people...many of YOU) in a scrapbook for me to always enjoy. Jared has been doing anything to pull the rest together. I am busy, happy and experiencing some of the best tender mercies of my life right now.
Please do not feel neglected when I don't return phone calls. I do appreciate your concern and love. I really do. Cancer is something you take on your body, spirit and mind in phases. It reminds me of a infant, then the terrible 2's that you want to skip over then the rationilizing with a 4 year old and on and on. No phase can be skipped. Each one has it's challenges and rewards and must be dealt with.
I feel so very blessed. I liked the "Old Janae." I wasn't perfect by a long run. I knew the importance of charity and many wonderful spiritual gifts I feel the Lord blessed me with. But I have become a "New Janae" and I like her better. Do not feel sorry for me. I need your faith. I need your blessing. I need your prayers and will humbly continue to ask for them. I feel I know now why I have taught Seminary for almost 9 years. It has been the foundation to my faith and understanding in making my decisions as of late. Look at all the wonderful examples of faith in the scriptures. We must be loyal to the Lord in adversity. My scan will be August 14. That will be a big day for me.
My true comfort is found in prayer and my scriptures. Look a couple of these up:
Genesis 1:29-31 Talks about the herbs and bearing of seed and the fruit yielding seed, wherein there is life. And God saw EVERY thing that he had made, it was VERY good.
Abraham 4:29-31
Moses 2:29-13
Doctrine and Covenatns 104:17
Alma 46:40,41
I will keep in touch. I love you all. Have a fabulous day! I'll see some of you in church tomorrow!
Janae
i love you janae. thank you for keeping us in the loop i'm so glad you were able to find an alternative that worked for you. we will keep fasting and praying for you.
ReplyDeletelove, lex
Janae and Calvin,
ReplyDeleteWe were in Georgia this past weekend for James' wedding, and this blog was a great way to catch up on how things are going. We have been praying for you daily, and I am excited about this alternative program you are trying. Jon's uncle is in the process of recovering from cancer, using a similar program. He also chose not to go with radiation and chemo. It may be the answer for some, depending on the circumstances, but I know there are other choices when the doctors can't provide hope. Two years ago all of Uncle Ken's family thought he wouldn't make it another month; he was so weak. It's been a tough fight, but he is starting to regain weight and is feeling much better.
You are a source of strength and inspiration for us all. Being proactive is the only way to go! I don't think there is any avoiding going through the emotional responses of news like this, but how wonderful it is to feel the comfort and peace available through the Holy Ghost!
We love you!
Bishop and Sandy Cook
I thank you for being willing to share your personal journey with us. I have always admired your family and have been proud to be able to say I knew you a little from taking piano lessons from you either before or when you were pregnant with Stacia. You speak of miracles and how they have been present in your life and it brings to mind the story you shared with the Young women or the Young adults of the story of Bergen or Monique who fell through the second story window of the condo at a family reunion and she didn't even receive a broken bone. Your family is truly blessed to have you as their wife and mother. We will continue to pray for you as you make your way through this leg of your journey here on earth and will look forward to your sharing the insights and knowledge you will be gaining through it.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Michael & Christie(Farmbrook) Finley & Family
Janae,
ReplyDeleteI am so happy to hear your story finally on all of this,you are a wonderful person with a wonderful spirit and a wonderful testimony of the gospel,you are very strong and you have a strong family and that will help with all you are dealing with,we love you so much and are praying for you daily and want you to know that we are here if you need anything,I miss seeing you at church with your wonderful sweet smile that lights up the chapel,but know I have not forgotten you and never will,Brittni says hello and that she is also praying for you and misses you.Keep up the good work and I will be coming back here daily and reading that blog.
Love,The Pedersen's
Hi Jenae, Thank you so much for your wonderful post. We have been so worried for you and it is so good to hear how you are doing. We pray for you everyday and think of you often. I have always admired your strength of person and I know that you will give this your all and cancer beware. You can do it! Congratulations on the new baby grand-daughter, she is adorable!
ReplyDeleteHang in there, we love you, get well.
Kati & Charles Anderson
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Janae,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the uplifting post. I believe in personal revelation and know the Holy Ghost is guiding you to what is right for you and your family.
I hope you gain a lot of strength to fight the ugliness (that's my term for malignancy), and shrink those tumors down!
Little Kennedy is beautiful and I'm so glad you have a supportive family around you at this time.
Sarah
Janae - my sister, my friend>
ReplyDeleteI am so humbled to think of what you are going through - you are always such an inspiration to me - you always have been and what a blessing it is to have you as such an inspiration to my son. He loves you as much as I ever could.
I think of all the conversations and heart to hearts I have had with you over the course of my lifetime and it is always so special to be in your sunshine. I LOVE YOU!
Hi Janae,
ReplyDeleteIt has been awhile but I wanted you to know that I think of you often now, and have been praying for you and your family. It sounds like you have a great attitude. As you probably know I work in the medical field and boy do I know they don't know what they are doing most of the time! Best wishes and love from me to you...
I love you Janae. I am awed by your strength, though not surprised. You have always been amazing! I am keeping you in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Michelle Applegarth
Janae, you have always been an inspiration to me. From the first time I brought Sherri for her piano lessons, through Primary and Young Women and all our other escapades. I have missed you since I moved away and I deeply regret not coming back for visits. Since Mom died 12 years ago I stayed with Dad until he passed last August.
ReplyDeleteI am new at this blogging stuff so be patient with me.
You have a great support group with your family and friends but you never cease to amaze me on your positive attitude and humbling spirit. I have always aspired to be like you and sometimes my failure to do so leaves me bereft but I keep trying. You have always been a wonderful friend even when I was dealing with so much when Jim died and I want you to know how much I appreciate it.
Thank you for your message in the blog, for your strength, your inspiration and your beautiful spirit. I love you and will keep you in my prayers.
Love, Pam Hokanson
Janae,
ReplyDeleteYou have been on my mind and in my prayers. Thanks for the post. It is so good to hear it from your mouth. I love the old Janae, but I can imagine there is no way our old selves survive the experiences that you have had over the past few weeks...so press on, my friend. Know that I think the world of you and count my association with you for 7 of your 9 years in seminary as a joy. I too have reflected on the changes that my prep for seminary have made in ME. As one approaches the decisions that you have had to make, I stand back with respect for your right and responsibility to do what you "know" is right. Bless you, Janae. I am so glad that you are happy and that you are pressing forward. Linda B
Janae, Calvin, and Family,
ReplyDeleteOur Thoughts and Prayers of Faith are with you. We have missed the several times a year visits we have had at our convention meetings and being able to see the growth and strength of your family. Our continued faith for you and hope that this is the answer to your battle with cancer. You will be supported and carried through this time by Our Father and his angels. One who just came to live with you. Our Love and Support goes out to you across the miles. Families Are Forever as you know.
Much Love,
Wen and Gaylynne Wagstaff
janae,
ReplyDeletei think of you and your family often--we pray and wish the best for you. i admire your decision to heal your body. if you think of any herbs/foods i can look for and send you, i live in "granola" boulder, co. i feel confident that if it is in the u.s., it can be found here. i would love to help. we love you. call me if you think of something i can get for you 303 720 9482.
rachel jardine demartin
Dear Janae,
ReplyDeleteWe love you so much and want you know that I know that the Lord is so mindful of you. You are so amazing in so many ways, my prayers have been continual and our family has been pleading to the Lord for your healing and for miracles to be with you in this trial. We will do anything to help in any way we can, know that we will always be here for you and your family in any way. Keith just said today that he doesn't know anyone stronger or tougher than you. Keep the faith and we will continue to fast and pray for you constantly.
Love Bonnie
Janae- What an inspiration you are to me in so many ways. I have you in my thoughts constantly and will pray for you each night with my family. Don't forget the healing power of music!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Ami and Family
My goodness, Janae, add eloquent writing to your repetoire of talents. You're in our thoughts and prayers and are grateful for the strength that sustains you.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. You and your family are in my prayers. With love Jeanette Goldie (Patterson)
ReplyDeleteWe love you!
ReplyDeleteAll of the Texas Bergeson's
Aunt Janea!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your post, you really are an inspiration to to us all. Like my mom said, I was talking to my dad the other day and he was telling me how "if there is anyone who can win this its Janae, because man shes a fighter." I have faith that the lord will give you and your family the strength to go through this trial. We love ya!! :)
-Michelle and Joshua Barrett
I love you Janae. God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteNot only eloquent in your writing skills, but so hip -- blogging, uploading pics, texting, etc. Janae, you rock!
ReplyDeleteThank you for including us via this blog as you travel this new road, one that is undoubtedly the one less travelled (I would expect no less form you!) Thank you also for sharing your faith in the knowledge that the Lord is your Guide on this quest & will certainly see you thru to His desired destination for you, whatever that may be.
You are loved beyond measure, my dear friend. Thank you for giving US this opportunity to increase our faith & trust in the Lord.
Janae, you have been in our prayers. We love you and know that the Lord is with you and Calvin and the kids. From your blog post it looks like you are at peace despite the difficult circumstance you are in. I can tell that this whole mess has strengthened you. Thank goodness for the gospel in helping us all have perspective in our trials. We will keep praying that the measures you are taking will make a difference.
ReplyDeleteLove, Dustin and Kristina Webb
A quote from Hippocrates was shown to me today that thrust your face IMMEDIATELY into mental view: "Let your food be your medicine and your medicine be your food."
ReplyDeleteLike so many things lately, it made me think of you. Thank you for your Witness of the Dvinity of our Saviour & His Gospel.
Roffers Janaers, I think your doing an incredible thing with the cards you have been dealt and am humbled to see and feel your strength. It is how I hope I would respond in a similar situation...I fasted for you and the family again today, you have all of our champs cheers! All my love as pigs pork, Bevy
ReplyDeleteThank you Janae. You uplift and help me as I listen to your own journey. Thank you for letting us follow it. I also really like the ol' Janae, but I am sure the new one is wonderful too!
ReplyDeleteJenn and Matt West
It's so great to hear your vibrant faith and enthusiasm for life coming through in your blog. Reading your experience brings back sweet memories of my mom. Of course the cancer part is no fun, but I'm so grateful for all the sacred experiences and time we had together before she died. You and your family are very dear to my heart, so know that you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. Take advantage of this time God has given you. I know how devestating it is but would not trade that time with my mom and the faith that it required for anything. I love you.
ReplyDeleteErin (Shurtz) Glabe
All of our love and blessings to you. We love you and you are in our thoughts always. Love Bonnie
ReplyDeleteYou are a strength to us all. Going through everything must not be easy by any means, but your strength and faith provide so much driving force for good. Even though I only know your sweet daughter Monique, I have felt your love and spirit through her. Our thoughts and prayers are with you during this most difficult time! May God Bless you with love and strength to make it through your time on Earth. You are an unbelievable example to me!
ReplyDeleteHi Janae!! I just wanted to thank you for the woman you are and the kids you raised. Also, a huge thanks for being a friend to my mom. You mean a lot to her and I really appreciate that. All our faith and prayers are with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteJeremy Quilter and family
Dearest Janae, Maker of the loveliest "joyful noise unto the Lord."
ReplyDeleteTears are flowing. Tears of gratitude for miracles, gratitude for our Savior and His Grace and Mercy, tears of sadness, happiness, gratitude for our blessings in life, love, rememberance, admiration, humbleness. Tears that flow when you know God alone is Master and has plans for each of us.....on your knees with God tears.
Although you intimate it may be daunting, I would appreciate knowing a little about your recovery program. I have a Facebook site if you prefer.
Poignant. Life. Don't we sometimes wish for the "time before we knew" the hard hard stuff of life. There is ultimately only ONE way to get through any of it........and you know HIM intimately~! AMEN and AMEN~!~!
With prayers of love, hope, Prayer for Miraculous intervention, comfort and peace.
Love to you dear one,
Linda Dahl (Hale)
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